


side-by-side

by yikelliot



Series: eyewitness week october 2017 [5]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: A Lot of Death, Angst, Death, Eyewitness Week, M/M, Slightly Anti-Religious Rhetoric, What did you expect from me, the feeder of the angst demon, the ruler of angst, what did you expect from a death fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 11:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12431511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikelliot/pseuds/yikelliot
Summary: "Death is a cruel reality that touches every living creature in existence.Both of our moms died far too soon."(or the "death" prompt)[death trigger]





	side-by-side

She’s gone. She’s actually gone.

The concept of death never made sense to me. The idea that one day a vibrant life could be snuffed out with something as seemingly useful as a knife. The power it has to remove and take away.

She didn’t deserve it. Well, no one really deserves death. Bu why did it have to happen to mom? She had the gross misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And just like that: gone.

The funeral was small. My dad had fallen once again into the clutches of his alcoholism and forgot to invite most people. I was the only child there. I was the only one who didn’t understand. I could never work out why my aunts teared up or why my dad shouted and screamed when I asked where my mom was. I was too young to get it.

I miss her ever day.

I made a card for her on mothers’ day and cried when she wasn’t there to take it. I spent years looking for a lost parent because my father couldn’t sober up enough to tell me the truth.

Well, it’s not as if I didn’t know she was dead. It just wasn’t explained properly.

Adults have a stupid fucking plethora of euphemisms they use on kids when someone dies. It’s not helpful to anyone. So when I asked these incompetent fucks where the one person who ever cared about me was, they told me that ‘she had to go’. I didn’t grasp the fact that she was no longer on the planet.

My family is still a family of strong faith. I don’t buy into any of it. As much as I’d like to think that my mom would have gone to heaven, I know that’s bullshit. 

What really fucks me off to this day is that everyone told me that my mother died for a reason. That it was all a part of God’s bigger plan. I was for years and still am furious at that statement. What the fuck could my mother, a woman who always made sure that I was happy and safe and loved, have died for? Why the fuck do people think that’s a comforting thing to hear?

I don’t really keep in contact with them anymore.

But there’s something that I’ve never truly let go of. Something that I cannot fathom to this day.

My dad never told me where we buried my mom. He always glared or threatened. He said nothing.

Until I decided enough was enough. That was the day after the attempted kidnapping. When we found out Anne had been murdered. I had to know then.

Philip always told me that he never truly felt like he belonged somewhere. As a kid in Queens, him and his mom and various of her boyfriends moved from apartment to apartment; whether from being evicted or a 3am-semi-lucid plan to better their lives. He never truly had a forever home, he told me. Until he met me.

I am his forever home.

Which is why I suggested our moms be buried side-by-side. Together. They would have been friends. They were both rays of sunshine in a filthy and bleak world. They both lost their lives far too soon. Neither of their deaths were fair, or deserved.

But now their bodies are laid to rest. Next to each other like Philip and I will be when we eventually meet our ends.

Death is a cruel reality that touches every living creature in existence.

Both of our moms died far too soon.

**Author's Note:**

> i am not anti religion, please don't take that away from this fic. i am only projecting the unfiltered thoughts i have had before when my grandma died when i was quite young. religion often helps people who deal with grief, but it can also seriously hinder the healing process. i was simply showing another side to it.
> 
> but anyway. thank you very much fo reading this fic. this is probably the most triggering thing i have written so please be careful
> 
> this is also on my tumblr: http://leeisdark.tumblr.com/post/166618176484/side-by-side
> 
> ~Lee


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